2024 was…a lot. To say the least. It pushed me to my limits, and then pushed a little further.
The year was full of new beginnings for everyone in my family. My husband started a new job; my youngest (“B”) started daycare; I went back to work in a different clinic, and my oldest (“A”) started Junior Kindergarten. Working and having 2 kiddos at home is a lot to juggle (I know all the parents out there can attest to this), but I thought I was handling it relatively well. Then July hit and I ended up with a head injury and on the verge of burnout. Or, as my naturopath put it, “Yup, those are symptoms of burnout”. So I was forced to slow down. Forced to stop neglecting myself and let some of the to-do list take a back seat. Luckily, I have (cleverly) surrounded myself with really wonderful people, always supportive if I say the word. My husband asked that I step back from taking on extra days at work and took over my to-do lists entirely; one of coworkers treated my head injury with craniosacral techniques, and another alleviated my back and neck tension with massage – the perks of working in a massage therapy clinic! By the fall, I started to feel like I had things back on the rails. Work was pleasantly busy and A started school with NO tears (me, on the other hand, had to tell her I was crying happy tears, to which she replied, “You’re not going to cry happy tears again, are you?”). I’m pretty sure I blinked and missed the rest of Autumn. Skipping ahead to December, B got double pink eye the week before Christmas (thank goodness my husband was able to stay home with her so I could go to work), and then A got double ear infections starting Christmas Eve (the 24th and 27th we enjoyed visits to emerge for the poor gal). Apparently, we love drama at Christmas! And coming from BC, barely having snow for tobogganing, skiing, just giving me LIFE, did not ease the pain of these holiday hits.
I’m grateful that looking back on the year, I can still see so much light – B thriving in daycare, A making friends at school, me truly loving my job (made possible by the people I work with), and summer holidays to celebrate weddings and reunions. But when I was in the thick of it, I felt like I was drowning. Putting my youngest in daycare more often than her sister ever was made me feel like a bad mom. Joining a group of incredibly talented and smart RMT’s – hello Imposter Syndrome. Not keeping a clean house, good meals on the table, and the dog walked (apparently he’s “overweight”) made me feel like I couldn’t hack it as a working mom (my husband travels a lot for work, otherwise he voluntarily carries the household burden as well). I would go to sleep at night feeling like I was never fully showing up for anyone. Not as a partner, mom, professional, colleague, not even for myself. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s not a single person actively in my life that has made me feel this way! But mom guilt, societal pressures, and comparison (we all know that one – the thief of joy). Oof. Let’s just say 2024 was my year to SURVIVE. And here we are, December 31st. I have made it. By the grace of someone, I got here. In pieces, but here. I have never been more relieved and at peace to say goodbye to another year.
I’m not one to make resolutions – I tend to err on the side of new year, same me; however, 2025 will be different. This is my pivot year. I am going to put my needs higher up on the list (because what parent can ACTUALLY put their needs first with small kiddos?!) I’m going to get back into therapy, journaling, and real self care (monthly massages is the only promise I kept to myself!) so that I can show up better for myself and for my family. I’m going to make time for continuing education so that I can show up better for my clients and coworkers. I am going to – dare I say it – THRIVE this year. In however that looks for me, anyway.
So coming in to this new year, please know that we all have been/are all in the muck, at some point or another. But the most important thing is that you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and let people help you along the way. Hold your hand to stabilize you. Carry the weight for a time so you can get some rest. I promise it gets easier. Brighter. Better.
I hope 2025 brings you a lot more of the good stuff, and when it brings some yuck, just toss it out with the garbage.
– Lydia